Edge Of My World

~ ~ ~

It's early but it seems late.

I've been awake for hours.

Didn't really rest.

Thoughts keep crossing my path.

Yesterday, I went to do a simple thing.

Ended up to not be. Simple that is.

Nothing big in the world.

Just in mine.

A bother I didn't need.

So, today, I think.

What to do.

I have other things going on.

Like I usually do.

I pretend that my life is fine.

I keep the peace and quiet near.

The woods and beach keep me sane.

Without my pretending, I'd run wild.

Screaming and yelling and tearing.

Instead, I go into my pretend mode.

Only sometimes I get very reminded.

That my life is not what I'd like.

There is nothing I can do.

I watch the morning arrive.

Tell my cats that bird TV is almost on.

They sit with me in the dark.

Waiting.

By the way, today is pretty good.

I look at my calender.

I am reminded of an appointment.

The realness of my situation rattles my quiet.

I cannot pretend.

Serious talks go on.

Will my heart need surgery.

Will my heart make it through the two other surgeries I need.

Will my kidney let me have time.

All of these surgeries will make my back attack.

Things I now have to think about and schedule.

The end of my quiet.

The memories of what will follow.

That is if I make it through all of these things.

So, I pretend even as I can't.

 

~ JC ~