~ ~ ~
It's early but it seems late.
I've been awake for hours.
Didn't really rest.
Thoughts keep crossing my path.
Yesterday, I went to do a simple thing.
Ended up to not be. Simple that is.
Nothing big in the world.
Just in mine.
A bother I didn't need.
So, today, I think.
What to do.
I have other things going on.
Like I usually do.
I pretend that my life is fine.
I keep the peace and quiet near.
The woods and beach keep me sane.
Without my pretending, I'd run wild.
Screaming and yelling and tearing.
Instead, I go into my pretend mode.
Only sometimes I get very reminded.
That my life is not what I'd like.
There is nothing I can do.
I watch the morning arrive.
Tell my cats that bird TV is almost on.
They sit with me in the dark.
By the way, today is pretty good.
I look at my calender.
I am reminded of an appointment.
The realness of my situation rattles my quiet.
I cannot pretend.
Serious talks go on.
Will my heart need surgery.
Will my heart make it through the two other surgeries I need.
Will my kidney let me have time.
All of these surgeries will make my back attack.
Things I now have to think about and schedule.
The end of my quiet.
The memories of what will follow.
That is if I make it through all of these things.
So, I pretend even as I can't.
~ JC ~