I Will

~ ~ ~

Touched by the silence that is my life.

I am aware of what I do not have.

I hear the voice speak to me.

It was not near.

It felt my soul.

It is nothing but me.

I know the healing must start.

I am wounded and hurting.

I walk although I am no more.

Brave I am.

Stupid is more like it.

I let my guard down

and now I am in pain.

The scars will heal.

I will be fine.

I always am.

I always will be.

It just hurts a lot this time.

Oh well, thus is my life.

Quiet, someone might hear.

Oh who am I kidding.

 

~ JC ~

My Woods

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
It's a quiet morning.
A few birds singing to my cats
but other than that, it's quiet.

Makes me think about my love of these woods.
My home is set down a long driveway.
Trees surround me on three sides.
It's like my own wooded area
set inside a sort of crowded neighborhood.

I find myself staying home a lot.
If I don't need to go out,
why leave this peace.

Even in the colder months,
this place is still a calm in the storm that is my life.
When it's warm, oh the woods come alive.
Not that they aren't always
but the movement is more noticeable.
Birds, butterfly's, owls, coyotes, deer.
They all make noise and visit my woods.

Only today, while it's quiet,
I think of the wonder of nature.
My love for it.
I have always enjoyed a walk or stroll,
as I have never walked fast.
Always stepping slowly while taking in
all the goodness that is around me.

If I could, I'd probably live in my woods
forever and only come out into the noise
when I absolutely had to.

Oh, that's what I do now.

Enjoy your quiet and peace
where ever you find it.

~ JC ~

Edge Of My World

~ ~ ~

It's early but it seems late.

I've been awake for hours.

Didn't really rest.

Thoughts keep crossing my path.

Yesterday, I went to do a simple thing.

Ended up to not be. Simple that is.

Nothing big in the world.

Just in mine.

A bother I didn't need.

So, today, I think.

What to do.

I have other things going on.

Like I usually do.

I pretend that my life is fine.

I keep the peace and quiet near.

The woods and beach keep me sane.

Without my pretending, I'd run wild.

Screaming and yelling and tearing.

Instead, I go into my pretend mode.

Only sometimes I get very reminded.

That my life is not what I'd like.

There is nothing I can do.

I watch the morning arrive.

Tell my cats that bird TV is almost on.

They sit with me in the dark.

Waiting.

By the way, today is pretty good.

I look at my calender.

I am reminded of an appointment.

The realness of my situation rattles my quiet.

I cannot pretend.

Serious talks go on.

Will my heart need surgery.

Will my heart make it through the two other surgeries I need.

Will my kidney let me have time.

All of these surgeries will make my back attack.

Things I now have to think about and schedule.

The end of my quiet.

The memories of what will follow.

That is if I make it through all of these things.

So, I pretend even as I can't.

 

~ JC ~

Walking

Sometimes I feel like

walking

In the sand

 along the shore

It brings me

 peace

Just like the sand

that grabs my feet

Trying not to let me

 go

Life keeps holding on

to what I need

Giving me things

to explore

As I age

 my world

should be

 quiet

It's nothing close to it

I try each day to find

the world

I need

Even if it's just in

my mind

My tree is finally done

I will now take the boxes upstairs

I do enjoy the lights

Shiny

Bright

They bring quiet

Peace to the

Normally loud

corner

My cat sat under the tree

All I saw was his tail

Outside the lights

are shining

My place is

Bright today

Quiet

The afternoon is late

The birds are all around

I see that I will need to venture out

Into the rain in a while

The frozen lands are gone

No snow

Just frozen everywhere

My world is quiet

I like this way

Too much noise bothers me

Everyone is sleeping

From what I do not know

They seem happy though

And that's what I want

We got the tree up

Over the weekend

It's in the corner

I'm not quite done

Decorating it

There is turmoil

In my world

That's why today

It is good

That it is quiet