Tuesday, September 27, 2011

My Soul

I have not been here in a while.
My Summer was busy.
Doing warm things.
My dog, Bella, died suddenly.
I've been in a spin since then.
My nervous breakdown last Spring put me in a
 'find the peace in each moment' mode.

I've spent a lot of time with Maddy Jean.
She is just sad.
Needs her sister back.

I am sad too.
I want her back.
I know that I can't ever get her back.

I've been looking for a new friend
for Maddy Jean and for me.
Each one that I think fits in,
gets adopted before I can get them.

My two kids are both at college.
First time that I'm all alone.
By myself.
Just the dogs .. dog ... and cats
and the husband.

Time to reflect on me.
My life.
Where it's been.
Where it's going.

The me that I lost.
The me that I want to find.
(if I'm not too late)

I'm tired.
Life has gotten to me.
I'm mad at what I think is not fair.
I know life isn't fair.
I'm just mad.

I want my Bella back.
I want me back.
A part of me died with her.

I can't pretend anymore.
I'm not sure I have it in me anymore.

I think I need time.

I need to do this without having another breakdown.
They aren't as much fun as one would think.

And, that is what I've been doing.

Aren't you glad you asked.
You did ask didn't you.

~ JC ~