Thursday, January 24, 2013

Things To Think About

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
Yesterday, I cried a bit more than I thought I would.
I was a bit nervous.
Shaky actually.
Told myself that I could handle this.
Nope, as the words came, I started to cry.
Big tears just rolling down my face.
How stupid is it that this happens.
Especially when you don't want it to.

The news I got wasn't good.
Many questions.
Things to think about.

Today, I realize that my time might be fading.
Many many things are telling me that this is the fight of my life.

I'm tired.
Very ...

How many times do you have to fight like this to survive ?
My old body seems like it's going to win this time.

Was told that I am in a holding pattern.
Not to go too far away as I could go into renal failure.
Was told that my situation is so bad that I'm kind of stuck.

Going to a new specialist.
They have done this fancy surgery more times.

I heard two or three big surgeries.
I kind of got lost while the words were being said.

I went over it all again in my head.
I just can't win.
No matter what I do.

The world just wants me.

So, today, I will make a list.
Things that I want to do.
Things that I need to take care of.

I was told I have no choice.
If I do nothing, I go fast.
If I do something, I can also go.

Was a great day other than that though.

Just saying ...

~ JC ~


Webster said...

I am... so sorry. It's to much to take in; you have serious decisions to make. This is so hard, and it shouldn't be. Sending you strength and hugs.

Maggie M said...

I am so sorry for what is going on with you and I can't even imagine how hard it must be for you to try to come to a decision. I wish I could do more than pray to help you through this hard time but since I can't I will just keep praying for you. Leaving you warm hugs!