My tree is finally done

I will now take the boxes upstairs

I do enjoy the lights

Shiny

Bright

They bring quiet

Peace to the

Normally loud

corner

My cat sat under the tree

All I saw was his tail

Outside the lights

are shining

My place is

Bright today

Quiet

The afternoon is late

The birds are all around

I see that I will need to venture out

Into the rain in a while

The frozen lands are gone

No snow

Just frozen everywhere

My world is quiet

I like this way

Too much noise bothers me

Everyone is sleeping

From what I do not know

They seem happy though

And that's what I want

We got the tree up

Over the weekend

It's in the corner

I'm not quite done

Decorating it

There is turmoil

In my world

That's why today

It is good

That it is quiet

Colors of Saturday

The colors of the trees

Across the inlet
From my yard
I liked the way the
Clouds echoed

before the rain started

This last weekend, I was able to take a few photos.

We'd gone to our beach place

I get to relax there

The sun was out

One last time I'm thinking

Before the Rain started

Here is what I was seeing

i said no

yesterday was a bad day for me

i wrote about it on my other blog

today is better but i still have a massive ache

in my head and in my soul

i will never be the same again

that day that i almost died

they brought me back

not the same

i remember someone asking me

and i said no

i had to go back

i had cats to feed

another person who had been

in a coma

told someone the same thing

that they were asked

and she said no

and she came back

and she is brave

i am most days

but yesterday was bad

and today

i wish it were sunny

i do better when it's not wet

just wanted to say that

In The Clouds

And as we wonder

Through this thing

 Called life

Thinking

Figuring

Trying

I think it helps to have a bit

Of sunshine

Cause the

Thinking

Figuring

Trying

In the clouds

It's not working

For me

One of those days ...

There are times

When I don't get it

The meaning

The lesson to learn

Why things happen

What is the struggle for

Today is one of those days

Where you wonder

Why

I will continue on

I always do

It's just that I'm

Getting way to old

For this

In my life

I've had to give up

A lot

Let go of

A lot

Just let it be

Never mind

That didn't just happen

Only today

I think about

What could have been

What could be

I'm old

Today is not

What I thought it

Could be

I don't really

Want answers

I just want

Peace ...

look what it's brought me

This week I heard bad news about my beloved dog, Bella

We have no choice. She needs surgery. It's going to cost a lot.

She had surgery two years ago for a tumor.

She was a trooper. Recovered and kept on going.

Now, only a few years later, she needs another one.

Her xrays were terrible. She's a mess inside.

I love my dog. She sleeps on my bed.

I wish she could talk and tell me what to do.

Put her through this surgery so she can take forever to heal.

Just to wait for the next one.

Was looking at specialists online today.

Do I use my regular vet or someone else ?

I really don't know.

I quess I'll do what I think is best.

I don't want anymore dogs.

This is just too hard.

I'm the kind of gal that likes to hide from bad things.

I've had so many happen to me lately.

No matter what I do

They keep coming.

So, tomorrow I will decide what to do.

Where I get the money to pay for this.

For now, I'm just going to let her rest.

Just for now the meds have her out of pain

I don't like Fall

Look what it's brought me ...

Lilly Ann

As the days went by

I thought of you less

Never forgetting

Sometimes dreaming

Remembering

How you were

The days we spent

The looks you gave

I'd give anything to

Have you back

Although I know

That you are gone

I will keep you

In my heart

Always there

Like you were

From the start

I am yours

Forever

And you are mine

on the lake

The peace they bring me

The joy when I see them

The sounds when I hear them

I had to take photos of this family

Swimming on the lake

For a moment

It all seems so good

So right

Peace ...

Cards

Today I went shopping for two types of cards.

Birthday and Sympathy

The sympathy cards all say too much.

I just wanted a sort of nice photo and a slight saying inside.

Took forever to find one that I think isn't too much.

The birthday card was hard to find too.

Didn't want too funny or too sweet.

Ended up with one that I think is ok.

Makes you think.

Life should be enjoyed.

Cause like it's said,

you could be dead.

Just my thought for today ...

Perplexed ...

So here goes ...

I am over weight. Have been for several years.

Last year I lost twenty lbs. Felt so good about myself.

Around July of last year, it slowly started to come back.

Not that I did anything ... really. I just started to eat .. again.

I eat whole wheat pasta, whole wheat rice, whole wheat bread.

Fake all organic chips. Meat. Fish. Basically, organic foods.

Now, in my struggle to figure out .. what the h double l's .. is going on.

I have given up all pasta. I don't even know what chips look like.

I don't even stop by their row to admire from a far.

Chocolate ... what's that. I bought one slice of cake to share on my birthday.

We even did that for another family birthday.

I've eaten so many veggies .. I think that broccoli is the new four letter word.

I've looked on line. Maybe I have thyroid problems.

 Only everything says that most things don't work.

It seems that anything I put in my mouth .. lowfat fat or not ... makes me gain weight.

Do I exercise ? No, I do not.

Why ? After my coma, my right side is weak.

It sometimes likes to go a different direction than the rest of my old body.

I hope that this stops. The weight gain. I feel like a cherry ... plumb as can be.

I am in a good mood about all this. What else can I do ?

To gain weight when you're eating nothing fun is insane.

Go to a Dr ? No Way ... won't go to them anymore.

Dr's and I do not agree .. so, it's just me and figuring out what to do.

Just wanted to get it all out there ...

Been one of those frustrating months ...

Even diet dinners make me gain weight ...

I'm down to water ...

Not that I feel sorry for myself ...

I'm just perplexed to the max ...

in my woods

It's a cool Fall morning.

The sky is blue.

The birds are few.

Kind of sad.

I truely enjoy seeing them.

I like the tree outside my window.

My driveway and woods.

It brings me peace.

I need it. Peace.

My world has it's ups and it's downs.

I fight everyday.

I survive.

And, I look out my window each morning.

I am lucky to be here.

I know that.

I enjoy life.

I try to.

I hope I do it well.

Quietly in my woods.

in a ball ...

it's one of those days

where you just want

to crawl back in bed

and curl up in a ball

see i knew i was a cat

Thinking ...

And as I sit here

Contemplating the day

I wonder what I should be doing

versus what I want to do

Always thinking about that

Always have been

I'm a thinking

An observer of life

Of what goes on

And mostly of what does not

Today is a gorgeous sunny

Fall day

I must think of something that

you do in the sun and leave

the inside stuff for a rainy day

They are a coming

That is for sure

Too Busy ...

The end of Summer

The start of Fall

Leaves on the ground

Birds sing in the crispness

Blowers do the job

For those who are too busy

Going on their way

To get a pay

To work for the weekend

So they can listen to the birds

That sing about the Fall days

I memorized you in my heart ...

You knew me a while ago

I was younger

You were too

I think of you often

My mind wonders

Where you are ?

Are you happy ?

I was when we were together

Am I now ?

I had to be

You didn't give me a choice

Do you remember me ?

Would you know me in a crowd ?

I'd know you

I memorized you in my heart

Not me

I will not follow the rain

It stops me from looking

I need to be here

Just a bit longer

The sounds are true

The freshness will be

Someone else can

Not me

and wanted so much ...

I rode the bus to school

In my uniform of all things

It took what seemed like forever

I lived out of town

Had to take two buses to get to my school

While I road the bus

I would write

I would tell what I wanted to happen in my life

My life after this bus ride

The one where I had money and could do whatever I wanted

I was young and wanted so much

I was sixteen and dreaming

Soul

I write my soul down on paper.

The words mean more than can be expressed.

I want to be that person.

 The one that has a book at the store.

The one who walks by and sees that her book is on the 'recommend' shelf.

 I want to be a writer 

The soul wants to be read.

A New Beginning

This is My New Beginning ...

Where I will Write, Tell My Version of The Story, Rant, Yell, Test out my other blog, do all the things I can't do anywhere else ...