Thoughts On Thursday

~ ~ ~ 

Traveling far she sat to rest her feet.

Nothing like this had happened to her before.

She was a mess.

Clothes were torn just a bit.

Her soul was wounded to yesterday and twenty years forward.

She'd just walked.

Ran for a bit but realized she didn't know where she was going.

Her mind just thought to go.

Don't turn back.

That part of her life was now over.

Only what could she do ?

Where could she live ?

She thought of the woods.

Maybe she could build herself a place.

Only she had nothing.

She'd left without a coat

let alone anything else.

No money.

Nothing.

Why had this happened to her ?

What had she done so wrong ?

Her mind was lost.

Frozen in nothingville.

Walk.

Just walk.

So, she got up and did just that.

The sun would set soon.

She needed to find a place to rest.

Maybe over there.

 

~ JC ~

As The Sun Shines

~ ~ ~

And as they say,

time heals all things.

Most, some .. one or two.

And who is they?

My Mother told me lots of things.

Her Mother told her and so on.

I told my children.

Like, busy as a bee.

That one I understood.

 

This all leads to me getting just a bit better.

I mentally am sort of healed.

Still waiting til the end of next week.

That's when I have my last mini surgery.

I will then know if this latest kidney surgery has worked.

I still may have troubles, as I did last time,

but I'll know more next weekend.

 

I sit here thinking.

Dare I do that.

I cannot stand or walk too much

without a lot of pain.

(when you have major kidney surgery

they send you home with extras

which have to stay with you

for six weeks.)

 

So, even though I am feeling

a bit better, I cannot do a lot.

I sit, think,

nap, plan,

hope and count the days.

 

If I forget for a moment,

do too much,

I have to go get a pain pill.

Just a half of one helps a lot.

 

This being so sick,

makes one think in short term.

I just want to enjoy my day.

I want that ever elusive peace

that I've mentioned so many times.

 

This thinking stuff makes me

realize that I've been sick

a lot in my years.

Too much really.

Mostly due to spine

or kidney problems.

Things that I have no real control over.

 

It does make me think

about my life

and what I've done

and what I've not.

 

I watch a lot.

I mentally write things down.

Could I have done better,

you bet ...

will I from now on ...

I hope so.

 

And, as the sun shines

through my window,

I have made a list

of what I'd like to do today.

 

I am as always hopeful.

 

~ JC ~

Thoughts On Thursday

~ ~ ~

And with the rhythm

There was a serge

It was my heart

Beating like it was on it's last

Where do we go

I have no idea

I'm lost in the world I've created

Pretending

Always pretending

Waiting to see if this one

Was real and with time

It was for a moment

I kept knowing in the back

Of my mind

 That this was not

It was broken

I was broken

I always would be

I always have been

~ JC ~