Pretending

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

It's the end of June.

How did that happen ?

No, really .. how ?

I have been so busy with this stupid sick old body of mine.

Add in the bad terrible lousy weather and well, there you go.

Literally ... there you go.

April, May and June .. they went.

It's almost July.

I plan on being there.

On enjoying each day.

It better not rain.

Nope, I've had it with that.

Yesterday, I had my third surgery in three months.

This one was an in office procedure like one.

A mini surgery so to speak.

I'm clear .. got the a ok.

At least for three months.

Then, back I go.

Another surgery .. big one .. needed.

Something about kidney failure.

All sorts of yucky stuff was mentioned.

I was just thinking .. of course.

Blah, blah .. blah.

Oh, and don't forget the heart thing.

It went crazy weird during the big surgery.

It goes way too fast or too  high which ever it is.

Needs to be looked into before my next big surgery.

I thought .. right, I'll get on that like never.

So, today while the sun is out,

I will pretend that instead of what was said,

what really was said was,

You are good to go.

Nothing wrong with you.

Enjoy your Summer.

So, I will.

~ JC ~

Nothing

~ ~ ~

Nothing is going right.

The wind, rain and just every thing.

I am still melting.

I am trying so hard.

My world is swirling and not like chocolate

 and vanilla soft ice cream.

Not the perfect blend of both.

Just trouble in the making.

Sit at home and think mode.

Cry a bit mode.

Yell at the universe mode.

Yuck mode.

I'd like to say that I'm mad but I'm not.

I'm worn out.

I was taking all of this so well.

Ok, not really but I sure was trying.

I'm worn out.

I just am.

Nothing, nothing is going my way.

Nothing.

I'm tired.

I'm worn out.

I know I already said that.

I had plans.

I wanted to do something.

Now, I can't.

And, it's raining still, again.

At least I have cats to pet.

~ JC ~

I'm Melting

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My soul is buried at the moment.
I have been through the wave of being.
Landed in the valley of unknown.
Sat thinking in numbness.
Hoping this will all go away.
I just want me back.
I want this to all go beyond.
Only as I type this, I have parts.
Hidden within the body that is fighting me.
I've had two surgeries and am waiting for the third.
I would like to say that I am fixed.
On that lovely road back to being me.
Only the second surgery hurt my back.
The first surgery was on my back.
So, now as I wait for the third,
I know that the progress that was made
is back to what it was.
Just waiting for me to wake up.
For me to give up.
For me to melt.
And, I'm really very close to doing that.
Just saying ...

~ JC ~