Thoughts On A Cloudy Friday

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Life is just crazy.
Sometimes.
Up and down.
Could I just get the medium for a while.
Just asking nicely here.

Been in a battle for over a year now.
When I think back, which I have been doing,
I have been kicking at it for a long long time.
It just became a massive battle within this last year.
I didn't even know I was fighting.
If I had, maybe I could have won.

Today, I am exhausted .. mentally and physically.
This body of mine just won't give me a break.
Just when I feel good, I wake to this.

I will, like I always have, keep going on.
Only I had told myself, this is it.
No more surgeries.
I'm done if this doesn't work.
And, it seems, that it may not have.

I will hopefully have a few days to relax.
Meds and pain pills with, of course.
I might just lose what's left of me this time.
How much can one take I ask.
I guess I will find out.

So, there you go.
On this sort of nice cloudy day.
How I wish.
Oh I do wish.

Just saying ...

~ JC ~

Not Easy Going Home

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A trip back home can make one think.

The youth and wonder.

Only when forced to remember,

do I think of her and what she wanted.

The dreams.

I did not do or end up like she thought.

Knowing more of the hurt of life,

I wish I could go back and whisper.

You will be fine.

Even if your dreams don't come true.

You will survive.

When you look in the mirror,

what you will see is the blue

of the eyes that used to want.

The grey of the hint of wonder.

I knew you well.

I liked what you needed.

The thoughtfulness of your dreams.

The world happened and you stepped

and lived what you didn't know.

No going back.

You did it well.

Head up.

Pretend that everything is fine.

No one will know.

It's a secret that you and I won't tell.

 

~ JC ~

Old Bricks

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Thinking that she should have bought a smaller size, she pulled at her new pants. Up they went as she walked. The old bricks made the path a bit bumpy for her. She looked around a bit noticing the old style of the houses. Some had been made into small businesses. A lawyer, a chiropractor and even a spa. Next to her was a bar with an odd name. She mentally tried saying it but lost her concentration when one of the bricks made her look down so she wouldn't fall. At the end of the street, was the destination. A small but very popular eatery. Another place that had been fixed up and made into a neighborhood restaurant. Looked nicer than she'd thought it would. As she waited for her table, she went outside to read the menu that was on the wall. A breeze blew at her and she thought she should have brought her jacket.  Was it too far to walk back to the car ? With that thought, she went back inside and was told by the rest of her party that they were next. No coat needed  after all.

 

~ JC ~

(a woman walks to a neighborhood restaurant

 with friends on an old brick sidewalk while thinking of other things.)

She Writes On Friday

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My soul bleeds for what it wanted.

Thoughts leaving in waves.

Nothing is left but tiny drops.

I think of what I need.

I am hollow.

How do I walk ?

I do not know.

Going forward always.

Never stopping.

Mending as I step.

I'll be fine.

That's what I tell myself.

I put my hand out to catch

a few of what is still me,

I put it back and hope it

keeps the rest inside.

 

~ JC ~