Monday, December 10, 2012

So There

The view from my beach place.
I'm staying here for a few weeks
while my old house in the woods
is being fixed up a bit.
~ ~ ~
With time and light, a new hope arrives.
I usually give myself a few days to recover.
Emotionally and other wise too.
What that means is that I pretend.
That bad stuff is over.
It was all a mistake.
I continue on through whatever pain I'm in.
It gets to me sometimes.
Other times, I throw it away.
Again, all a mental game.
The emotions of being in pain is tough.
Harder than I would have ever thought life could be.
Only I'm not ready yet.
To give up.
I keep on going like nothing has happened.
I start new each day.
Before I get up, I say a little something.
Hoping that I will be ok today.
If I walk slower, maybe I won't be in pain.
It sometimes works.
Sometimes not.
So, for today, I write my list.
I hope to get some things done.
It's the Holidays.
I don't want to be an old in pain lady.
Nope, I do not.
Whatever is waiting for me in the future,
can just wait.
I don't want to know about this option or that.
I have cancelled all Doctor appointments.
I don't care about this failure or that.
It can wait til January or maybe February.
I am in no hurry to be in pain.
I mean more pain than I already am.
I will pretend that nothing is wrong with me.
I'm going to do that til I can't do it anymore.
It's the Holidays.
I have things to do.
So there.
~ JC ~

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