Muggy

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Another muggy July has gone by in my beloved woods.
Overcast in the mornings,
maybe a bit of sunshine in the afternoons,
often times just clouds.
The evenings can be chilly or muggy as can be.

A few days were nice but only maybe seven .. tops.

Today, is one of those muggy, might be nice days.
I've already opened and closed windows several times.
I'm trying Summer clothes but will see if that lasts.

As you can tell, I'm on the West coast.
Not one of those warmer parts of my state.
That is for sure.

Only on one of those nice days.
It is gorgeous here.
Visitors are amazed that when the rain
leaves we have this wonder to enjoy.

With all of this weather wise going on,
I have endured another month of my
old lady pains.

They have improved.
I can walk.
I can stand.
Still in pain but not a ten.
Maybe a four to a six .. depending.

May August bring me a zero.
Ok, let's hope for a three.
Which means that I'd almost forget
what this mean back of mine has
done to me this Spring and Summer.

So, I raise my Diet Peach Ice Tea
to all of you .. ha ha .. all two or one of you,
and wish you a fabulous August.

~ JC ~

Progress

Another week has gone.
I've been busy with life.
I'd say that my pain level is better.
I'm able to do a few things.
Make coffee in the morning.
Feed the dogs.
Small but still so nice.

I can walk more.
With pain but more bearable.

I've gone to a Dr.
She's sending me to a Cardiologist.
Due to my heart going crazy during my kidney surgery.

I'll make that appointment for August sometime.
I'm going in for my spine Dr. appointment in two weeks.
I put it out that far because I wanted to be able to take myself.
I wanted to be able to drive.
I like doing things myself without needed others to help me.

I got a bit of me back this week.
I drove with an ice pack on my back.
I got there and walked very slowly with my cane.
Still I did that three times this week.
Major progress.

I also, made decisons about my life.

I don't need to do things that I don't want to do.
I live in a different world than most.
The simply pleasures of sitting outside
watching my dogs play in the sun
without me being in pain.
That is all I needed.
And, I got that.

So, this has been a good week.

~ JC ~

At Least For Today

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I am at peace for now.

The sun has brought me back.

Mentally that is.

I've sat in the warmth for days.

Thought of the past and dream of the new.

Spent my days rocking in my chair.

Sitting by the water just looking.

My pain is less.

Still there though.

Enough to remind me that I'm

not the same old cat lady who

lives in the woods.

It has given me hope.

Maybe with time

and ice, I can get better.

I goal is to drive.

To walk about at the grocery store.

That's a silly one but so needed.

You wouldn't believe what my

family brings home. Yikes !!!

I'd like to be able to stand

and make morning coffee.

To clean up the kitchen.

There are so many things

that require standing on

a leg that I'll let you make

that list for me.

Then add in walking a distance

say around a grocery store.

You have my problem.

And, as I said, I am hopeful.

At least for today.

* * *

~ JC ~

Tired

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
I'm tired.
Worn out actually.
My leg pain has got the best of me.
As it continues on,
my ability to pretend has disappeared.
It's not new now.
Just a pain that will not go away.
It's real.
It's every single moment.
Very breath.

I don't sleep well.
Always in some sort of pain.
When I do,
I wake with the hope.
I move and there it goes.

I will start calling next week.
Til then, I will hope that
the next bag of ice
cures my back and
my leg pain will be gone.

One can hope.
I still have a bit of that left.

I don't do much.
I'm just trying to make it.
I'm sure some of you with pain
know what I mean.

I'm just tired.

~ JC ~

For A Moment

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I woke up and thought for just one moment
that I was normal but no I was not.
If only I could stay in that position forever
or for at least a day or two.
I get up and take that first step.
Seems ok.
Two more and the leg gets crampy.
A few more and I'm limping with pain.
By the time I make it to the bathroom,
I'm hurting like crazy.
Sitting seems to help.
Whatever is wrong with my lousy
old cat lady back seems to improve
with sitting.
Not always though.
The right leg cramps up terribly
on the bottom half of the leg.
Wraps around the leg and tries
to strangle the life out of it.
The foot turns almost blue
and the pain keeps on going.
Thus, if my life.
Pain is all in the levels.
Am I ever out of pain ..
no not really.
Except for that one moment
when I first wake up.
I'm usually in a good mood
in the morning.
All depends on how much I
have to walk.
I sit several times along the way
to wherever I need to go.
The pain is just that bad.
Doesn't matter where I am.
I have to sit.
Next week I will be on my own.
I have to start going to Dr's.
Won't that be fun.
No, it won't.
Are you all jealous
Do you want my pain
By the end of the day,
I'm worn out.
I go to bed early
and try to find the purrfect
place where my leg, foot what ever
won't hurt.
And, thus goes my stuggle to regain
what I used to be.

~ JC ~