For A Moment

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I woke up and thought for just one moment
that I was normal but no I was not.
If only I could stay in that position forever
or for at least a day or two.
I get up and take that first step.
Seems ok.
Two more and the leg gets crampy.
A few more and I'm limping with pain.
By the time I make it to the bathroom,
I'm hurting like crazy.
Sitting seems to help.
Whatever is wrong with my lousy
old cat lady back seems to improve
with sitting.
Not always though.
The right leg cramps up terribly
on the bottom half of the leg.
Wraps around the leg and tries
to strangle the life out of it.
The foot turns almost blue
and the pain keeps on going.
Thus, if my life.
Pain is all in the levels.
Am I ever out of pain ..
no not really.
Except for that one moment
when I first wake up.
I'm usually in a good mood
in the morning.
All depends on how much I
have to walk.
I sit several times along the way
to wherever I need to go.
The pain is just that bad.
Doesn't matter where I am.
I have to sit.
Next week I will be on my own.
I have to start going to Dr's.
Won't that be fun.
No, it won't.
Are you all jealous
Do you want my pain
By the end of the day,
I'm worn out.
I go to bed early
and try to find the purrfect
place where my leg, foot what ever
won't hurt.
And, thus goes my stuggle to regain
what I used to be.

~ JC ~

Walk With Me

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So, I was trying and still am, to pretend.
Only it's really hard to do.
My back, which started all this old body nonsense
in the first place, has decided to remind me of that.
My back is a total mess.
I mean a disaster.
I had a procedure done in early May to help it.
It sort of worked.
Then I had to have the kidney surgery
and the following three weeks of pain
followed by another kidney procedure.
A day later, I woke up to not being able to
put my foot down without a level 15 pain.
I have been like this for almost a week now.
Nothing will help. Nothing.
I am now dependent on others for everything.
I've used ice packs.
I use my cane but the pain is terrible after
just a few steps with me sitting down
and crying a lot.
I cry every day and lots.
I've gone over my future.
It isn't bright.
It isn't nice at all.
I'm using the pain pills from previous times.
My only choice is to pretend.
I am going away for a while.
When I get back, I will do the Dr. things again.
Only the back Dr. didn't give me pain meds.
He told me to do physical therapy.
I couldn't do that due to the kidney procedure.
Now, I can't walk.
I sit a lot.
Yesterday, I watched people walk and cried.
I am so envious of the simple things in life.
I am so mad at the universe.
I can't even tell you how upset I am.
I can't even make coffee.
I can't stand that long.
I am a mess.
I will keep trying to pretend.
I will.

~ JC and the squirrel who is yelling at me from my tree ~

Memory

I'm in whirl.
Stuck in the center.
Being blown this way and that.
Every once in a moment,
I feel like the old me.
I'm trying.
I see a long road.
I'm tired.
I'm remembering those days
where I walked without pain.
At least I have those in my memory.

~ JC ~

Mr. Boatman took the girls for a walk on the beach

This is the bridge that goes to the Island

It's a very small island

Cute though

When the tide is out

You can walk under the bridge

To the other side

Where you see another small island

Wine

I'm having a glass of wine

While I wait for my potatoe

To roast in the foil

It's been an interesting week

To say the least

I have an old body

Which has been on the outs

Hoping to feel better

Very Soon

Enough of this