Sad

~ ~ ~

The past came to call.

Memories long past.

Some good.

Some not so much.

I had a decision to make.

Go or stay.

I went.

Very sad.

Hard to see.

I would never have wished this for them.

Ever.

Too much hurt along the way.

On their side.

Me, I just put up with it.

Until, I did not.

Been years.

Haven't seen or talked to them.

Very odd.

Didn't know if I wanted to go.

Didn't think I'd ever see them again.

Seems that I won't talk to them again.

Thought a lot.

Very odd.

What a shame that their life

ended up this way.

Could have been so different.

Didn't need to be this way.

Very sad.

I did cry when I saw them.

Now, I am just sad for them.

What a waste.

What could have been.

~ JC ~

( my older sister tried to commit suicide.

She is now in a coma.

I haven't talked to her in four years.

I haven't seen her in seven.

We were never friends.

She was just my older sister.

Not friendly.

There are moments though.

Few but there.

What a shame that she ended up this way.

She didn't call me.

She didn't think of me.

That's just like her.

Sad.

That's all I feel.

So sad that she ended up this way.)

Nice May Day

~ ~ ~

Yesterday, was a nice day.

Warm and not too windy.

Just right actually.

Later in the afternoon, it got a bit hot.

Off to the shade, I would go.

Did a bit of work in the yard.

Those weeds are terrible.

Everywhere they are.

I think it's the wind blowing them in

from someone else's yard.

Oh well, at least there is a nice view.

Was thinking that May was a good month.

Very relaxing, which I need.

I like pretending.

I like it very much.

~ JC ~

(I know it's June now but what a nice month May was)

Thinking

~ ~ ~ 

I have been thinking.

In the Spring, I'm able to be outside more.

The colors of nature have arrived.

I like this time of year.

Even in the confusion of my life,

if I can figure things out,

I have a joy to each day.

One part of my time

is very happy.

Can't complain about any of it.

The other part, is terrible.

I don't like to dwell

on that too much.

Only when it reminds me.

Each day I make a list.

What am I going to try to do.

I make the best of what happens.

Don't we all ?

I've had a lot happen.

Mentally it does get to me.

I'm not close to perfect.

Not at all.

Only I do win the prize,

if there is one, for trying.

I keep on going no matter what.

That's got to count for something.

Just saying ~

~ JC ~

Don't Get It

~ ~ ~

Some things in life I just don't like.

Mean people.

Things they say.

If they thought later,

why wouldn't they run back

to tell that person 

they had done wrong

that they had made a mistake.

Like they should have been

taught as a child.

Or, was I the only one

taught to be kind.

To think and rethink

about your life.

I still to this day

and I'm old as can be

do not understand why

this happens.

Eveyone makes mistakes.

Has a lousy moment or life.

To not get it though.

To not realize that you should

always want to do better.

To be kind and polite.

I want to sit them down.

To talk to them.

To make them get it.

Only I don't get to.

So, I will always be bothered

by people and what they do and say.

Maybe that's why I don't do much

with them. 

People.

Only so much harsh words are 

aloud in my life.

I've had my quota.

No more.

~ JC ~

Windows

~ ~ ~

I am the thoughts in my head.

Healing the wounds of life.

Never being more than the less.

Always climbing to the sight.

I will not be the willow tree.

I will be me.

The narrowness of my window

leaves me with a view.

I can see just a bit of what 

the day has brought.

Knowing all too well

the moments that will follow.

No one know me like me.

I laugh at those who think they do.

I will fight to be 

for as long as I see the light.

~ JC ~

Thoughts on a rainy afternoon.

I woke up from my coma

almost eight years ago.

I look fine.

I am.

The windows of my mind,

not so much.