Wish

~ * ~ * ~

There has been a great deal of sadness lately around me.

People I know are having hard times.

All things that you can't do anything about.

Life at it's hardest.

Times that you have to go through.

You hope you make it to the other side.

Whatever that other side brings.

Nothing I can do but offer words of advise.

Not that they will take it or listen but it's the only thing I can do.

Others are just going through a difficult time.

Life throws those at you more times than one would like.

I hope each day for all of these people.

There is a lot of them lately.

Not that my wishes will help them but again that's all I can do.

To wish for the peace and goodness to shine on each of them.

For them to make the right decisions for their paths.

To be brave in the unknown.

To not give up when you think you can't go on.

Life is just plain lousy at times.

Being an adult is hard.

Being a child can be too.

I just wish for all of them.

And, that is what I will continue to do.

~ JC ~

In A Good Place

~ * ~

I'm in a pretty good place.

I saw a movie about those old High School days.

I laughed a bit too much.

I wish we were all that sage at that age.

Unbelievable, that some were.

I was sort of.

I watched from my bench at lunch.

Those that were super popular and those who tried so much.

I was one of those who didn't give a dam.

Was so over that a year or two before.

Not to say that I wasn't one of those want to be's at one time.

A lot of my so called friends became cheerleaders or class officers.

Some of them even were dating the stars

 of the basket or football teams.

Me, I just decided not to be one of those follow along girls.

Nope, I walked my own road and still do.

Not to say I didn't do a bit of it .. again .. in college.

Joined a sorority ..

mostly cause my sort of religious Mom ..

told me I HAD too.

I did enjoy the ability to

 always have someone to go to a party with.

Didn't enjoy those ex cheerleaders

and popular girls being in my life.

They seem to want to tell people like me ..

who don't think they are fabulous .. off.

As if that's going to make me think more of them.

I have always seen people for who they are.

Just people.

So, as I watched that show ...

 while sipping my coffee ..

 and letting the dogs in and out ..

which they just love to make me do ...

I thought that even though I am not purrfect in the least ...

that I'm in an ok place and probably always have been.

I just wish I'd known that back in those earlier days.

Back when I was the side kick of

 those up and coming popular gals.

And believe me, I was ..

in ninth grade my sort of best friend became cheerleader.

The next year she pretended she didn't know who I was.

Then, my sort of best friend ..

 and by then I already knew how fragile that term was ..

well she started to date those athletes ..

so again I was supposed to follow and I didn't.

I even went to one of those big parties my Senior year ..

 another sort of friend just had to go.

I watched and laughed.

They just were not all that even if they thought they were.

And, again one of those cheerleaders tried

to tell me off in her own way.

As if I was going to go woo ahhh at her.

Nope, instead I told her off.

You should have seen her face.

And, as you can guess,

 no I did not go to any of the reunions.

I was too busy enjoying my life.

I should have gone though for the laughs.

And, that as I say, are my thoughts on this spitty rain Sunday.

By the way, my third cup of coffee

is really good and not crunchy.

(you'd have to read my other blog to know what I mean)

~ JC ~

Cold but Springlike

~ ~ ~

It's a cold but sort of nice Tuesday.

The sun is trying to warm up the ice that's left from the snow.

Yes, we got snow. What a Winter we are having.

Anyway, the sun has melted most of it.

The dogs water dish is a slushy mix though.

Reminders of what was and is suppose to arrive soon.

Snow on Thursday. Say it isn't so.

I like it on trees. So pretty but driving in it. Yikes !!!

The one day I actually have appointments

and down the big hill too.

Puppy class is on Thursdays.

Not that I'm thrilled to go.

She and I aren't doing well with our homework.

I'm too old to be doing tricks.

I need a stunt double.

She's not interesting in the treats I got

so no down or come for her.

I am feeling just a tiny bit better.

Still have other appointments to make

to find out what's what and all that.

For today though, I have sort of hope.

That this struggle that I'm in is fine for today.

Mentally, I am having some thoughts.

Going over this and that and the other.

To go back, I think I'd pick the other path.

It would be hard but maybe I'd be happier.

Who knows though.

Crystal ball would have been nice to have.

And, that's my Cold but Springlike update.

~ JC ~

I Was Thinking

I don't know why but I was thinking a lot the last few days.

Maybe due to my new meds that make me dizzy

plus whatever else they may do.

I got pages of info on them and you know how that goes

 with what can happen and what to do if it does.

Yikes ..

I'd be done with the meds by the time I read the whole thing.

Anyway, one night this week, I just couldn't sleep.

The guy next to me, Mr. Boatman, has a tendency to snore.

Excuse me, breathe very heavily.

So, as I tried to get into my dream world,

I thought a bit about things in general.

The topic was what if I am almost done.

My time is up sort of thing.

My health has been in a holding pattern.

When I think of what has happened to me,

I could get a bit upset but

that wouldn't help now would it.

So, I just try the best I can to get whatever

it is to go away with the various items

I purchase at the local drugstore.

Over the counter meds are my favorites.

 Right now I am on no Dr. ordered

pills in various shades of colors.

Nope, I got off of all of those years ago.

I think better and just do better that way.

And, believe me when you wake up

 from being in a coma due to sepsis,

well, they have you take a lot of meds.

 Add in the darn nerve problems and those pills

and migraines and well, it was a lot.

Not anymore though.

I do over the counter and that's it.

Until, this week, I had to go to the actual Dr.

 Get those colored pills which were white.

Who takes those anymore ?

 After all I went through with the visit and

the looks of you were in a coma and it was due to sepsis,
 Yes, I was and lets get to what I came in for.

Believe me that takes forever.

I should wear a sign that says,

I survived but they sent me home with what was left.

So, anyway I was thinking, maybe I've run out of time.

That the powers looked at their books and said

how did she get away from us.
Let's go get her.

That is what's going on with me now.

The pills helped but not enough.

More Dr's needed which means more tests.

Which means more details of my past.

And, I forget sometimes what I've had done.

This that and the other.

It's a long list.

To look at me though, you wouldn't really know.

I cover it up well.

And, so I was thinking ...

One night this week.

About how fragile but strong we all are.

I'm a bit scared but I'm tired of that.

So, there you go.

~ JC ~

I'm going to write on Fridays if I can.

This week I was thinking about my health.

How I've been fighting so hard for it.

And, I lost this week.
I lost.
Oh well, I'm good at that.

Pie and Coffee

~ ~ ~

I remember one year I made him

a cream cheese pie with cherries on top.

It took me quite a while to get it done.

I'm not a cook and wasn't then.

I did do the graham cracker crust pretty well.

Poured in the creamy middle.

Found a jar of cherries at the store.

All in all, it looked and tasted fabulous.

Clean up was a total disaster zone though.

Why does it do that ?

Kitchens and dishes and what it takes to clean up afterwards.

Anyway, he liked it.

I remember bringing it to him.

He sat in his chair and drank his coffee.

Always always coffee.

I wish I could get that day back.

It's been so long since I've seen him.

My memories are forgetting.

I did actually almost forget today.

It's been twenty one years.

I wish he was still sitting in his chair.

Waiting for me to stop by

so we could talk over a cup of coffee.

Maybe I'd bring a store bought cake this time.

~ JC ~

( Today is my Dad's birthday.

He's been gone twenty one years.)