Already

~ ~ ~

Summer has come to an end.

It was a warm one.

Did a lot.

Read lots of books.

Sat in the sun.

We had a lot of that.

Not normal for us but warm is the new.

Went on a few mini vacations.

Had lots of fun.

Read more books.

Walked when I could.

Sat and enjoyed the views.

Had a grand time.

Now, Fall has arrived.

Getting cold.

Rainy too.

I miss Summer already.

Just saying ...

~ JC ~

Twice As Much

~ ~ ~ 

Lots of things going on in my life.

Odd to be going back in time.

Some things I remember and some I don't.

People I haven't talked to in thirty years.

That's a long time.

Some are very friendly

and some aren't.

Change is good.

Some don't and some do.

Might see a few of them.

Might not.

Haven't decided yet.

Me, I've changed so much.

I'm bolder.

Wiser.

Calmer.

Scratch that .. I was wise and calm.

I was a watcher.

The silliness that was.

Now, I live a richer life.

Not needing any of the oddness that goes on.

I am a loner and a watcher.

I prefer to just be.

On the old body going crazy department.

I have three things going on.

Not one but three.

As if I didn't have anything to do

with my old life.

It seems that I will always

be fighting to survive.

It does get tiring and emotionally challenging.

I will try to not be that lady.

The one who goes outside

and yells at the world.

I've done that before.

Many times in fact.

So, if you see someone doing that

just know that it might be me.

Just saying ...

~ JC ~

Happenings

~ ~ ~

It's been a while.

I know.

Life.

Keeps me busy.

I mean to get here.

Just haven't until today.

Lots of things going on.

People doing bad things.

Getting away with it.

Me, trying to warn others.

No one listened.

They thought I was being odd.

Nope, just telling the truth.

That's why no one tells others.

No one believes.

So, the person who did it,

gets away with it.

What can I say.

Just annoyed at people.

It's the reason I stay

kind of away

in my woods.

(I live in a homeowners association neighborhood.

The current board members are sort of 

like a group of dictators.

I volunteered last year.

Was treated terribly.

Decided I didn't want to put up with it.

This year, I wrote the neighborhood

a note telling them what happened.

No one believed me.

They got away with it.

That's why people don't tell

anyone what happens.)

What I learned ..

Never volunteer (at least not in my neighborhood)

Always believe in yourself

There really are bad people 

(I already knew that but still when you actually meet

one .. I'm still shocked)

I now will watch as they continue to do

what they want and see if any of the

goofs who live here

do anything about it.

I'm only one person

and without others listening

nothing will be done.

At least I tried.

Can walk away knowing that.

Confirms why I'm kind of loner

I watch from the woods

And, that is my talk to myself.

~ JC ~

What Is That

The sun has decided to visit.

How that just makes the day.

I live in the woods.

Dark in the Winter.

Wet from the rain.

Green from the trees and moss.

Yes, I said moss.

Down my driveway and into the woods.

I love it here. Most times.

Only when it's yucky wet and dark, nope.

So, today with yellow stuff visiting,

it makes me think,

that Spring might come back.

It is amazing here

in the Spring and Summer.

Most of the early Fall days too.

It's just the green slimy walkways

that make an old lady trip

and the lawn that looks terrible

due to moss and the feet

that sink into it

if you don't look where 

you are walking.

Like I said, the sun is out.

Brings me hope.

I still won't be going out

there though but soon.

Mew At You Later,

JC

Just Life

~ ~ ~

Been a while since I've been here.

Lots went on.

Spring and Summer.

Warm.

My dog was worn out.

She died.

Very very sad times.

Most of that time was spent

helping her in the last days.

Next we recovered.

It took a mental toll

on everyone.

Not the cats but the humans

and my other dog.

We did decide to adopt.

A new puppy has 

kept me hopping.

Literally.

I'm almost sleeping

through the nights.

We're at that stage

of the new fur ball

in the house.

The normal that will be

is almost here.

The cats don't really care.

Not after that first week

where they were

what did Mom do 

this time.

Now, it's just oh

it's the short dog.

The Winter blahs

have arrived.

Rain, cold, snow, ice

and wind.

I do so enjoy the

warmer months.

I always have.

I always will.

That's the latest.

No big deals .. really.

Just life.

As it goes

over here.

~ JC ~

Sad

~ ~ ~

The past came to call.

Memories long past.

Some good.

Some not so much.

I had a decision to make.

Go or stay.

I went.

Very sad.

Hard to see.

I would never have wished this for them.

Ever.

Too much hurt along the way.

On their side.

Me, I just put up with it.

Until, I did not.

Been years.

Haven't seen or talked to them.

Very odd.

Didn't know if I wanted to go.

Didn't think I'd ever see them again.

Seems that I won't talk to them again.

Thought a lot.

Very odd.

What a shame that their life

ended up this way.

Could have been so different.

Didn't need to be this way.

Very sad.

I did cry when I saw them.

Now, I am just sad for them.

What a waste.

What could have been.

~ JC ~

( my older sister tried to commit suicide.

She is now in a coma.

I haven't talked to her in four years.

I haven't seen her in seven.

We were never friends.

She was just my older sister.

Not friendly.

There are moments though.

Few but there.

What a shame that she ended up this way.

She didn't call me.

She didn't think of me.

That's just like her.

Sad.

That's all I feel.

So sad that she ended up this way.)

Nice May Day

~ ~ ~

Yesterday, was a nice day.

Warm and not too windy.

Just right actually.

Later in the afternoon, it got a bit hot.

Off to the shade, I would go.

Did a bit of work in the yard.

Those weeds are terrible.

Everywhere they are.

I think it's the wind blowing them in

from someone else's yard.

Oh well, at least there is a nice view.

Was thinking that May was a good month.

Very relaxing, which I need.

I like pretending.

I like it very much.

~ JC ~

(I know it's June now but what a nice month May was)

Thinking

~ ~ ~ 

I have been thinking.

In the Spring, I'm able to be outside more.

The colors of nature have arrived.

I like this time of year.

Even in the confusion of my life,

if I can figure things out,

I have a joy to each day.

One part of my time

is very happy.

Can't complain about any of it.

The other part, is terrible.

I don't like to dwell

on that too much.

Only when it reminds me.

Each day I make a list.

What am I going to try to do.

I make the best of what happens.

Don't we all ?

I've had a lot happen.

Mentally it does get to me.

I'm not close to perfect.

Not at all.

Only I do win the prize,

if there is one, for trying.

I keep on going no matter what.

That's got to count for something.

Just saying ~

~ JC ~

Don't Get It

~ ~ ~

Some things in life I just don't like.

Mean people.

Things they say.

If they thought later,

why wouldn't they run back

to tell that person 

they had done wrong

that they had made a mistake.

Like they should have been

taught as a child.

Or, was I the only one

taught to be kind.

To think and rethink

about your life.

I still to this day

and I'm old as can be

do not understand why

this happens.

Eveyone makes mistakes.

Has a lousy moment or life.

To not get it though.

To not realize that you should

always want to do better.

To be kind and polite.

I want to sit them down.

To talk to them.

To make them get it.

Only I don't get to.

So, I will always be bothered

by people and what they do and say.

Maybe that's why I don't do much

with them. 

People.

Only so much harsh words are 

aloud in my life.

I've had my quota.

No more.

~ JC ~

Windows

~ ~ ~

I am the thoughts in my head.

Healing the wounds of life.

Never being more than the less.

Always climbing to the sight.

I will not be the willow tree.

I will be me.

The narrowness of my window

leaves me with a view.

I can see just a bit of what 

the day has brought.

Knowing all too well

the moments that will follow.

No one know me like me.

I laugh at those who think they do.

I will fight to be 

for as long as I see the light.

~ JC ~

Thoughts on a rainy afternoon.

I woke up from my coma

almost eight years ago.

I look fine.

I am.

The windows of my mind,

not so much.

Thinking

~ ~ ~

I've been thinking a lot.

About everything.

Relationships.

People and how they act.

Why they do what they do.

I am a watcher.

A listener.

A figure it out kind of gal.

I see both sides and in between.

I just want to talk to people.

Ask them to think.

Some are just out there.

Lost in their land of what the heck.

Me, I try to do the best option.

I try to be nice and considerate.

I often say that I am not judgmental.

Maybe I am though.

After watching people.

Listening to them.

I do judge them on the way they act

and on what they say.

Always thinking

over here in my woods.

~ JC ~

Wise Soul

~ ~ ~ 

When you are fighting for each day,

you get in a survival mode.

To be told that you made it.

The long fight is over.

It's an odd feeling.

The fear of what if it starts again.

I've been fighting for so long.

The days have been enjoyed.

Always looking over my shoulder though.

To see who's walking just behind.

Did they catch up ?

Who are they ?

Friend or foe ?

So, with that happening

I have not been writing lately.

Just trying to figure out

what I want to do

without all of this 

nasty stuff 

forcing into my life.

Not that it's all gone

but for now the 

'you must do this now'

part is done.

I survived.

Done that several times now.

Only the scars that are left behind

are seriously life changing.

(mental and physical)

It takes a toll on a soul.

I ought to know.

To look at me,

I don't really show it.

Maybe in the wrinkles

and the eyes.

I am an old wise lady.

The stories I could tell.

~ JC ~

Until

~ ~ ~

I haven't written in a while.

Been busy with life and things that happen.

I am at peace.

At least for now.

The major storms of my life are over.

I think.

Now, to venture into the unknown.

The what to do now stuff.

Until I know for sure,

I will just enjoy each day.

~ JC ~

Odd Time Of year

~ ~ ~

It's an odd time of year.

Wet and cold.

Looking forward to warmer days.

Hoping that the blooms

of last year

arrived again this Spring.

I am cold to the bone.

Need to warm this soul a bit.

Just saying ...

 

~ JC ~

Today I Think Of Him

~ ~ ~

When I think of him,

I remember the smile.

Always a calmness to him.

Never did he yell.

I think he liked life too much.

I didn't know him well.

My memories have faded.

I think of a few and smile.

He made me do that.

I miss him sometimes.

Only in life we go

along the way

doing what needs to be done.

He did the same.

What needed to be.

I haven't thought of him

in a long time.

It's been that long

since he went away.

I used to talk to him

almost every day.

Just for a moment.

One day he was gone.

I liked him a lot.

He had a kind soul.

He was a simple man.

He was my Dad.

 

~ JC ~



Me

One time a long ago,

I decided to be me.

Not someone else.

Just the one I am.

Had a grand time.

Jumped and hopped

to the tunes along.

Turned and got lost.

Lots of colors to look at.

Been walking that path

for a while.

Looked up and

saw the clouds.

Where was that sun of mine ?

It's me.

The youth be gone.

Old as the trees.

Never drinking in

the past that was.

Always trying to be

the me that I am.

 

~ JC ~

Beginning

It is the beginning.

A wish for good.

The goodbye to old.

Nasty a bit this last year was.

I found peace in a lot of things.

The small quiet moments.

A laugh at the oddness of my life.

Who would ever think

that it would be like this.

Today, I clean.

Put this and that away.

A list to do.

I think of the new.

What will it be.

The toll last year took on me.

I am still worn out.

I laugh about that too.

I still have hope.

It is what gets me through.

To that and more.

 

~ JC ~

Too Much

~ ~ ~

It's mid December.

I survived my fifth surgery

in less than two years.

Eighteen months

to be exact.

 

I am now stone free.

My kidneys are good.

My left is stable for now.

May have to have it out

at no notice

but for now it is fine.

 

I had both operated on.

Since my kidneys love

to make stones.

The right is not damaged

as of yet.

I'll work on that. Not.

 

My heart was fine

during surgery.

Which surprised everyone.

Something went right for once.

 

I am home.

Almost recovered.

The surgery takes a toll

on my old back.

Ice packs have helped

but it still goes out

without notice.

Annoying to say the least.

 

May the Holiday now begin.

 Mentally I'm worn out

but my spirit is still here.

No more is what I ask.

Give me some time to relax

and enjoy a normal life.

 

Is that too much to ask for ?

 

~ JC ~

Warmth Needed

I am in hibernate mode.

This cooler weather has done me in.

The rain has arrived.

Not terrible but annoying.

Still have a few leaves

and the birds are still here.

Without that entertainment

I really don't know

what I'd do.

This being inside all the time

is just not for me.

I loved the past Spring and Summer.

I was able to be outside

most afternoons.

Either reading or just enjoying

the yard and it's surroundings.

 

I really need to move.

 

~ JC ~

Almost

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
It was bad news for me.
Nice man told me that it didn't work.
My fancy robotic surgery.
I've had two kidney surgeries.
Was told that I am worse instead of better or even stable.
Being schedule for surgery on my other kidney.
Have to repair that one too.
Was told that normally, we'd just leave those stones.
Not now.
We are in prepare to have one.
As in, table of one.
I'll take the kidney.

I'm in shock, I think.
Cried a bit but all that does is make my eyes look old
and worse than they were before.

Explains a lot though.
Pain wise.

No matter what I do, this old body of mine keeps thinking
of ways to get me.

I still plan on winning.
It's getting harder though.

I thought about it.
I'll give it one more try.

I am getting tired though.
Just want to give up.
I'm almost at that point.

~ JC ~